The Lonely Stay at home Mom...

The title says it all... I feel so lonely lately. You would think that being with someone 24/7 would keep you pretty occupied, but when that someone is only 7.5mo old you find yourself desperate for adult conversation.

I have tried so hard to make friends since Mason was born, but nothing ever pans out. So far I have tried LLL meetings, StreatorOnline,Meetup.com, Illinoisvalleymoms, and Babycenter but nothing. I even tried starting my own mommy group with no luck. To top it all off my best friend is going to be moving 15 hours away soon.

Im getting married next year and I have no friends to plan with, no friends to shop with, and no friends to be excited with. I dont even know who is going to be in our wedding.

Mark is a great partner and I love spending time and being with him, but during the week he is at work all day. He usually gets home at 5pm and by the time we eat and get Mason a bath and get into bed we really havent spent any time together at all. We do get to spend the whole weekend together which is nice, but still.

Worst of all I feel bad for Mason. I feel like he deserves more interaction. Most days we are just here at the house stuck in our same old schedule. Im afraid that he is going to end up sheltered and friendless just like me and Mark.

Perhaps I am just not meant to have any friends....

Life as Mom

Its hard to believe that a little over a year ago I was just a crazy college student starting a life out on my own. I worked three part time jobs while going to school full time and had just moved out of my dads house and in with friends. Although it seems like just yesterday I feel like Ive been a mom forever now.
Life as a mom is a lot different than I had expected. I always knew that I would breastfeed, but I never knew I would enjoy it so much. I never thought I would use cloth diapers, I always thought they were stinky and gross. I also never thought I would much rather have my son sleep in bed with me than alone in his crib. I enjoy the fact that the way I parent brings people to say things like "your son is so quiet" in restraunts, and "Your son is so happy" when he is all smiles waiting for hours at the Dr's office. My whole life I have struggled to find where I fit in or who I am, now that I am a mom I feel like I am exactly where I am suppose to be doing what I was meant to do all along. When I am with my son I just feel right.
On February 24th Mason will be 6mo old! I cant believe how big he is getting. He already has 2 teeth. He is also trying so hard to sit up on his own and crawl! Soon I will have to start giving him jar food. Im not quite sure how I feel about that. Part of me is excited that he will get to try something new. Part of me is sad to think that he wont be breastfeeding as often. This year is going by so fast. I am thankful for the snuggles and love we share. Being a mom is the most fulfilling job I have ever had.

Birthdays...

I wish my birthday never came around. Every year around my birthday I get a little depressed. Not because Im getting older or anything like that. It just seems like it goes unnoticed by my parents. Last year neither of them even called me until it was almost 9pm and I didnt even get a card from either of them. When I stopped by my moms house she went downstairs and brought up some old booze to give to me. Its not about the gifts, I could really care less about material objects. I guess I just wish my parents would show me that they care. It makes me feel like my being born wasnt important to them. They never forget to call Luther on his birthday. I dont mean to throw a pity party for myself. I have great people in my life who care about me and never forget to call or contact me on my birthday. Mark is great and I know he has something up his sleeve for this year. Mason being happy and healthy is the best gift I could ever get. I just want my parents to tell me that I matter, and they are happy that I was born. I need to get over it, I know, what do you expect from alcoholics...

Week 1

Mason officially turned one week old last night at 9:39pm!
I cant believe he has been here for a whole week already. Things are going really well, a lot better than I thought they would go thats for sure. Mason is eating great and sleeping well too. For the majority of the week he would sleep during the day and be up all night cluster feeding from about 1am to 6:30am. Last night he actually went to bed at about 11pm and slept til 1am then went back to bed and slept til 3am then went back to bed til about 5:30am. It was really nice being able to sleep in my bed at night with Mark! At Mason's 1 week dr. appointment everything came out good. The doc said he is really healthy. When we left the hospital Mason weighed 7lbs 7oz. I guess its natural for babies to lose some of their birth weight. At his appointment he was back up to 7lbs 10oz.

I just cant believe how blessed we are to have such a perfect beautiful baby boy. I dont think I could ever ask for anything more than what we have been given. Mark is a great daddy, and I dont know what I would do without him. When I see him holding Mason and seeing the love he has for him it brings tears to my eyes. I can honestly say Ive never loved Mark more than I do now.

Mason is Finally here!!!

After months of anticipation and heartburn Mason is Finally here!!

My contractions started Friday August 21st around 6:00pm. they werent very strong so I wasnt too worried about it. Around 11pm I thought maybe my water was leaking so I called up to Labor and Delivery to see if I needed to come in. We went in and found out it wasnt my water, but I was loosing my plug. So we came home and went to bed.

I woke up around 4am Saturday with pretty stong contractions every 3.5 minutes apart and they were fairly painful. So I woke Mark up and we went back up to the hospital. They hooked me up to the monitors and checked my cervix. I was dilated to 2.5 and contractions were every 3.5 minutes lasting about 35seconds. I came back home because I wasnt dilated enough to be admitted. The rest of Saturday was pretty uneventful. My contractions spread out to about 6 mins apart and were lasting 45seconds.

Sunday things became pretty intense. My contractions on Sunday were still 6mins apart but they were lasting 1min and very painful. Mark and I went to the hospital at 6pm. The nurse who checked me was extremely rude! She talked to me like I was 2years old. On top of that she was suppose to call my dr. but didnt, and told me I would feel better if I went to Dairy Queen. Then she sent me home. Around 11pm my contractions were coming every 3mins and lasting 1min and even stronger than before. I didnt want to go back to the hospital because I was so tired of getting sent home. After laying in bed crying for an hour Mark finally convinced me to go back to the hospital. When I got to the hospital the rude nurse was gone and I was seen by a very nice nurse who had just came back from maternity leave herself. I was only dilated to 3 so they send me home once again and told me they would admit me once I got to 4cm.

We got home from the hospital around 2am Monday. I couldnt sleep so I tried taking a tylenol PM which my dr. had ok'd. The tylenol didnt help it just made me really sleepy but I couldnt sleep due to the pain. Monday was horrible! I stopped timing my contractions because I was soo upset that I couldnt get admitted to the hospital I just didnt care anymore lol. All I knew was they hurt alot! around 1pm me and Mark decided to go to my moms house to try and take our minds off of things. About a block from my moms house Mark hit a pothole and I just burst into tears! I was in soo much pain. Mark asked if I wanted him to turn around and go back to the hospital and I said I wanted to go to my moms first. We were at my moms for maybe 10mins before I decided we better go to the hospital yet again...

When we got to Labor and Delivery they took me back to the exam room, before the nurse even checked me I looked at her and said "Im not leaving I want medicine". she checked me and I was dilated to 4cm. FINALLY! I got admitted and they took me to the labor room. The nurse started my IV and gave me some narcotic pain medicine to try and help ease the pain. the Demerol was a complete failure. Just like the tylenol PM all it did was make me sleepy, it wasnt strong enough to mask the pain. After about 2 hours I started asking for the epidural. My dr. wanted me to try some other things first since I had planned to do a natural birth. I tried rocking in a chair, breathing, walking, and ice packs, before I was certain I wanted the epidural. When the nurse called the anistesiologist only to find out he was in surgery and wouldnt be out for at least an hour. So I decided to get into the spa tub. The bath was the best feeling in the world. It completely took away the pain from my contractions. I stayed in the tub for about 2.5 hours and only got out because the nurses made me. About 20mins after I got out of the tub my epidural was there and I was more than ready for it!

Getting the Epidural wasnt nearly as painful as I thought it would be, but due to my luck it didnt work! I went numb from the top of my right thigh to the top of my right knee and that was it. By now I was dilated to 7cm. When you get and Epidural you also have to have a catherdar because you cant get up to use the restroom. this was probably the absolute worst part of labor. I had an allergic reaction to the iodine they used on the cathedar and it BURNT!! I begged them to take it out, but due to hospital policy they couldnt. they said they would remove the cathedar when I started to push. about a half hour later I told them I felt like I was ready to start pushing. They checked and I was dilated to 9cm. Only one more centimeter left before I was fully dilated.

About 5mins later I called the nurses back in and told them I didnt care if I was dilated to 10 or not I was ready to push and I wanted the cathedar out. My dr. came in and checked me and said I was close enough to 10 to push and have the cathedar out. Removing the cathedar was one of the best feelings!

I started pushing at about 8pm. Pushing felt so much different than I thought it would. I dont really remember feeling much pain while I was pushing. The only pain I remember feeling was a slight burn when the baby started to crown. It seemed to happed so fast. I remember feeling him come out then all of a sudden there was a baby on my chest!! I remember thinking "I dont know whose child this is but Im in no condition to be caring for a baby"then it dawned on me that this was my child. Mason was born at 9:39pm he was exactly 8lbs and 19.5inches long.

We have been home for 3 days now, and things are going great. Im breastfeeding and it couldnt be going better! he latches like a pro! He likes to cluster feed at night so we are usually up from midnight to 6am feeding, but Ive gotten into the habit of napping during the day so I can keep up with him at night. I hope things continue to go this well. Mark and I could not be prouder. Its hard to believe that we could create something so beautiful and perfect.

38 weeks

As of today I am officially 38 weeks pregnant. I had my 38 week check up yesterday and found out that I am dilated to one and that my cervix is 50% effaced. Ive also lost my mucus plug. The dr. said I can have my baby anytime now, but if I dont have it by next friday I have to go for another check up. Apparently I wouldnt know a contraction if one bit me in the butt! While the dr. was getting the baby's heartbeat yesterday she asked me if I could feel my stomach tightening or anything and I couldnt, she then told me I was having a contraction and I had no idea. She said she can remember my mom calling her when she was pregnant with Aleaha saying "I dont remember what a contraction feels like, but I might be having some" apparently Im going to labor like my mom. lol
Thats all the news I have for now, perhaps this time next week I will be holding my baby in my arms instead of in my belly!

jack-in-the-box

So I thought it would be a good idea to get another update in before labor starts or I forget again. My last dr.'s appointment was this past friday. Things went pretty well I guess. Ive been in a lot of pain lately due to the SPD. It was made worse after our dog kringles almost knocked me over last thursday and knocked my pelvic bone further out of place. He didnt mean to, there was a stranger at the door and he was being protective. My dr's appointment revealed that I am GBS positive which is Group B Streppacoucus. Its not harmful to me at all but I have to have an IV antibiotic during labor to keep from passing it on to the baby. I have grown really restless lately due to the pain and lack of sleep, but my dr has promised me that I will not be pregnant forever. She gave me hope at my appointment by saying "if your still pregnant next week ill see you for another check up". its safe for me to go into labor at any time now. I say the sooner the better! Hopefully my next update will be when we get home from the hospital!